Dear trans, nonbinary, genderqueer, and genderfluid friends (and your loved ones, parents, allies, and advocates),

I see you. I hear you. I am here for you. (And so are many others).

Before we begin,  A note: I am keeping the most updated version of this document at this link. 

Also, I have created a notion site, where I’m trying to keep up with the most updated information and legislation. 

If you’re queer, trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, otherwise LGBTQ, or the parent or loved one of a queer or trans student, I have no doubt you are more than aware of the anti-trans legislation sweeping across the US in record numbers over the last few years, and the potential consequences for trans students as a result of the recent election. So, before I say anything more, I want to stop and tell you students that I see you and I am working very hard to find the best options for you – and I’m not alone. There are lots of people out here working to make the world a safer and more accepting place for you. 

This NBC news article highlights the worries, thoughts, and feelings so many trans students and their parents and loved ones are feeling about moving forward in their lives. And this piece in Salon.com, written by the mom of a Trans applicant, pretty much explains it all: For my transgender daughter, there are only 18 States of America | Salon.com. 

Like everything college admissions, I encourage you to ask questions and learn as much as possible about admissions, campus safety, and the culture and vibe on campus. See, even in these dark days, by taking some time and learning more with intention, you can find a space where you can thrive. Many college campuses are overwhelmingly supportive spaces, and you can find places to grow and live the life you want to live. But your safety comes first. 

I was happy to see that NACAC, the National Association of College Admissions Counselors, recently shared that Forbes and Inside Higher Ed reported about students and families paying attention to state laws. Forbes’ 1 in 4 Students Rule Out Colleges Based on State Politics or Policies and Inside Higher Ed’s 1 in 4 Students Nixes a College Based on State Politics, Survey Shows, you’ll see that over a quarter of college bound students and their families are citing “particular socio political issues–such as abortion rights, gun control, and LGBTQ+ rights–as exerting some or absolute influence on why they nixed a certain institution.” This is reflected in my students and families and the impact of state legislation on their college choices and families. 

So, I think, first and foremost, you must find schools that are in safe states and then look for colleges that openly accept queer students. Many liberal arts colleges are particularly safe and welcoming to the queer community, where you can fully embrace your queer and trans joy. You can find out by snooping around their website, going on a visit and asking students or the admissions office, or checking out their LGBTQ clubs and groups online and seeing how active they are. If you can visit, definitely stop by and check any services or LGBTQ+ centers they may have for you. Or reach out to them online or by phone. Ask if there is one; if there’s not, that might be a sign that the school wouldn’t be particularly welcoming.

Let’s Start Here: Brainstorm your options. 

  1. Be open to a gap year.
  2. Keep up with state laws and current legislation.
  3. Explore International Options

1. Gap Year: You might decide that now is not the right time for you to take off and be on your own, or you’re ready to be off and on your own, but it might not be the right time for you to commit to the college experience. Here are some suggestions:

  • Organized gap year programs
  • Therapy
  • Exercise
  • Part-time or full-time employment
  • Community service
  • Smithsonian Scribe
  • Wwoofing — World wide opportunities on Organic Farms
  • Non-credit giving and free courses (MOOCs) like Coursera, Udemy, edX, Harvard, Stanford Online, Khan Academy, Crash Course, Study Hall (make sure you are doing non-credit courses. if you do for credit courses, you could end up needing to apply as a transfer student instead of a first year)

2. Learning about and keeping up with State Laws:

Now – more than ever – it’s essential for you to not only look into how accommodating the college is for you as a trans or queer student but also it’s necessary to investigate the state laws. I’m using this list (last updated on December 11, 2024) from Erin Reed, who‘s on Instagram, Bluesky, and Substack as @ErinInTheMorning to create my lists of “Most Protective States and Supportive States.” This list will certainly change this spring as state legislatures meet to make new laws. I subscribe to Erin’s substack email list, where she sends super helpful information. If you’re a counselor, parent, advocate, or loved one of trans students, I recommend subscribing to her email list. She gives fantastic up-to-date news, insight, and info. A note: These are tumultuous times, and this list could easily – and quickly – change:

On today, March 4th, THESE ARE THE MOST PROTECTIVE STATES WITH SOME FORM OF SHIELD LAW: Hawaii, Washington, Oregon, California, Colorado, New Mexico, Minnesota, Illinois, New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, Rhode Island, Maine, Maryland, New Jersey

THESE STATES CURRENTLY HAVE NO ANTI-TRANS LEGISLATION, BUT NO SHIELD LAWS: Washington DC, Nevada, Arizona, Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Delaware

MOST ACTIVE ANTI-TRANS LAWS or BILLS IN LEGISLATION: Florida, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas,  Alabama, Tennessee, Oklahoma, Kansas, Utah, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Ohio, Iowa

THESE STATES ARE ALSO TARGETING TRANS FOLKS: Nebraska, Missouri, Arkansas, Indiana, West Virginia, South Carolina, New Hampshire

CONSIDER AVOIDING THESE AS WELL: Wyoming, South Dakota, Georgia, North Carolina, Kentucky, Alaska

More info and resources about State Laws and Legislation

Suggested Trans-Friendly Colleges:

I’ve either met with these college admissions folks to discuss trans issues, or I’ve heard from counselors who work with trans students, or trans students or parents of trans students that these colleges are Trans-Friendly in the states listed above (who do NOT have anti-trans legislation currently passed or pending (as always, you must do your own research here – things are changing quickly). Note: This list is not exhaustive. I’m always looking for more suggestions, so please feel free to make suggestions based on your research or your experiences. 

Arizona: Northern Arizona U, U Arizona, Arizona State

California: Claremont McKenna, Pitzer, Scripps, Pomona, USC, UC Santa Barbara, Occidental, UCLA, Cal Berkeley, UC Santa Cruz, Cal Poly SLO, UC Riverside, UC Irvine, UC Davis, CSU Long Beach, Cal State San Francisco, Chico State, Sonoma State, U Pacific, Chapman, Dominican U, U Redlands

Colorado: CU Boulder, Colorado State, Fort Lewis, U Denver, U Northern Colorado, Colorado Mesa

Connecticut: U Conn, Wesleyan, Yale

Illinois: Knox, Augustana, UIUC, SIU Carbondale, Bradley University, Northwestern, Columbia College, Lake Forest College, Illinois Tech, Northern Illinois University

Maine: Bowdoin, Colby, Bates, College of the Atlantic

Maryland: Goucher, U Maryland College Park, McDaniel College, St. John’s College, St. Mary’s College of Maryland

Massachusetts: Babson, Tufts, Clark, UMass Amherst, UMass Dartmouth, Clark U, Hampshire College, Northeastern, Simmons, Smith, Wheaton College, MIT, Harvard, Brandeis, Babson, Boston U, Mount Holyoke, Brandeis, Salem State University, Emerson, Springfield College, Lesley U, Bridgewater State, Berklee School of Music, Worcester Polytechnic Institute (WPI), Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts (MCLA)

Michigan: CCS Detroit, Alma College, Northern Michigan, Central Michigan U

Minnesota: Macalester, Carleton, Augsburg U, St. Olaf

Nevada: UN Reno

New Jersey: Rutgers, Princeton, Drew, Montclair State, Rowan University, Clarkson, Marist, The College of New Jersey

New Mexico: University of New Mexico

New York: Adelphi, Alfred University, Ithaca College, Vassar, SUNY New Paltz, SUNY Purchase, Bard, The New School, Sarah Lawrence, Skidmore, NYU, Columbia, Barnard, Cornell, Rochester Institute of Technology, Stony Brook, Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (RPI), Bard, Union College, U Rochester, Smith College, Pace University Westchester

North Carolina: Warren Wilson College, UNC Greensboro, UNC Asheville

Oregon: UOregon, Pacific U Oregon, Oregon State, Lewis and Clark, Reed, Southern Oregon, Portland State, Western Oregon, Oregon Tech

Pennsylvania: Allegheny, Swarthmore, UPenn, Muhlenberg, Dickinson, Ursinus, Carnegie Mellon, Juniata, U Pitt, Penn State, Susquehanna

Rhode Island: Brown, RISD, Johnson and Wales 

Virginia: Virginia Commonwealth, George Mason

Vermont: University of Vermont, Bennington, Champlain, Northern Vermont University

Washington: Washington State, U Washington, Evergreen, U Puget Sound, Western Washington U, Whitman, Pacific Lutheran U, Central Washington University

Washington DC: American, George Washington U

Wisconsin: Lawrence, Beloit, UW Madison, UW Eau Claire, UW Milwaukee

3. And if you feel like you need to leave the USA for your safety, here are some countries to consider:  Australia, New Zealand, Scotland, Ireland, Canada, Spain, and other parts of Europe like France or Switzerland. Here’s a document that has more information about a few colleges around the world and information about their application processes: Universities Abroad. Also, this map might be helpful. 

SIX TIPS FOR APPLYING TO COLLEGE FOR TRANS AND NONBINARY STUDENTS

SELF–CARE: First and foremost, please take care of yourself. Here’s what I know: Trans people are magic. Embrace your joy, your sense of who you are, your ability to see beyond the binary, and how you understand the world around you. I know it feels awful and overwhelming and scary right now – I’m truly scared right now too, but you are so much more than that fear. I have lots of posts about mindfulness and dealing with the stress of college admissions, and some of that will work for you for sure if you allow yourself to try it. But, my number one piece of advice to you to make it through these roughest of times is to hold on to you who you are, embrace your joy, share your magic, and know that there are people out there who love you and care about you even if you don’t know them – and you are not alone.

    • Hug your loved ones –even if it’s just a teddy bear.
    • Find someone to talk to in a safe space.
    • Parents and caretakers, show your kids you are there for them. Talk to them. Hug them.

Reach out to the School’s LGBTQ+/Campus Pride Organization. Ask questions. If possible, visit the school and meet with the LBGTQ+ groups and organizations. If you can’t get on campus, educate yourself about the environment on and around campus:

    • Have they had instances of anti-trans, anti-queer, anti-gay violence or bullying?
    • How do queer and trans students mix with others?
    • What kind of support do they provide for your community, especially during these tumultuous times?
    • What kind of school participation is there in local pride events?
    • Are there LGBTQ+ Campus Student Groups that are funded by the school

Talk to Admissions. Ask Questions: Be sure to ask college admissions offices these kinds of questions when doing your research or reaching out on tours/visits/info sessions:

    • Do they have sexual identity and gender-inclusive housing?
    • Do they have a nondiscrimination policy for trans/queer students?
    • Do they allow students to change their names on campus records?
    • What resources and opportunities do they have to support trans/queer students?
    • Do the schools’ health clinics and health plans cover trans medical care if that’s something you are interested in? Here’s a list of colleges that offer gender-affirming care: https://www.gennyb.com/research/trans-supportive-campus-policies/medical-expense-coverage/

Think about your Essays: To come out or not to come out? You don’t have to write about being trans or gay or queer, in your essays, but you certainly can if it’s a story you want to tell. Many of my trans students write about their experiences as a trans high school student for their personal essay because it is so important to them, but some choose not to write about in the personal essay, and instead they use the Additional Information section to explain the context of their experience.

    • If you’re worried it might hurt you in admissions, ask yourself this question: Do I want to attend a college that would deny me because of who I am? 

Keep up with the forms: While many colleges ask for your preferred name, you may still need to use your birth name if it hasn’t been legally changed yet so that all your paperwork and files won’t get lost or disorganized. 

    • A piece of advice from a parent: “If you choose to use your preferred name (on your application and/or at college), your college may use that name when contacting your parents. For instance, I’ve gotten emails from colleges my youngest child applied to that used their preferred name and had a student employee call from my eldest’s college during a fund drive who used their preferred name. If you aren’t out to your family, you may not want to officially use a preferred name at school. The method for asking for gender-neutral housing, signing up to use a preferred name, and getting support is different at each school. In most cases, the best point of contact seems to be the school’s LGBTQ+ organization.”*COMMON APP UPDATES FOR 2023 FROM commonapp.org: 
      • Added “X or another legal sex” as an option for legal sex question 
      • Expanded the account creation section to include a question asking if students would like to share a different first name that people call them 
      • Added a question asking for students to indicate their communication preferences with Common App 
      • Common App will not share a student’s answer to this question with colleges, recommenders, or third parties 
      • Added “Which name should Common App use when addressing you in the app or via email?” question to the communication preference section 
      • Selection will update the display name shown within the student’s Common App account and student-only Common App communications
      •  Common App communications to other parties (e.g. parents and recommenders) will continue to use the student’s legal name

      *These updates could change for the 2025-2026 application season.

Research Local Sources to Find LGBTQ + Friendly Colleges: In addition to websites like Campus Pride Index and Dr. Genny Beemyn’s site, make sure you research more local sources, and like I’m a broken record, I’m gonna say it again, make sure you’re researching state and local laws:

10 COLLEGE CAMPUS RED FLAGS FOR LGBTQ+ STUDENTS AND ALLIES: 

Here’s the link to the doc. from (collegetorch.com).

  1. You don’t see yourself joining at least one LGBTQ or intersectional group on campus.
  2. There is almost no overlap between athletics and the LGBTQ+ Community
  3. Bathrooms are a huge campus topic. Bathrooms should be easy
  4. They don’t offer LGBTQ+ housing options
  5. You can’t find explicit LGBTQ+ language in mission statements and non-discrimination policies.
  6. You don’t find a lot of out-Trans/LGBTQ+ faculty and staff
  7. You don’t see pride symbols around campus except at the LGBTQ center
  8. You don’t feel much of a connection at the LGBTQ center
  9. The health center isn’t aware/can’t answer your questions about trans and nonbinary topics
  10. The school requested or received a Title IX exemption – Run away!

SHOULD YOU WRITE ABOUT BEING LGBTQ IN YOUR ESSAY? 

As far as writing about it, that will be up to you. My suggestion is to use the “Additional Info” section if you feel like there are issues you’ve had or any circumstances that have affected your application because of being trans, nonbinary, or genderqueer. But I definitely don’t think there’s any harm in discussing who you are in your essay, either. To me, if a college didn’t want to accept me for an essential part of who I am, then I wouldn’t want to go there. So, I ask you, why would you want to go to a college that wouldn’t accept you simply because you’re trans, gender non-conforming, gay, or another gender or sexual minority?

  1. Should I come out in my college essay? College Essay Guy has a three-part series that’s well worth reading!!!
  2. Part 2, and 10 Great Example Essays by LGBTQ Students

HELPFUL RESOURCES!

SCHOLARSHIP OPPORTUNITIES:

WHAT CAN YOU DO AS A COUNSELOR, ALLY, ADVOCATE, PARENT, OR LOVED ONE?

The best thing you can do is show your support. Acknowledge what’s happening in our country today, and don’t try to diminish your loved one’s concerns. The fear is real. The concerns are real. The danger is real. Educate yourself and learn as much as possible about locations that will be safe for your child, friend, or loved one. Send letters to your state and US Representatives and Senators, letting them know you support the trans community. Also, if your child decides NOT to apply to a college because of their policies or lack thereof, let the college know. My best advice to applicants and families: ask questions, research, and be your own best advocate. 💖✨💖

“When we’re growing up, there are all sorts of people telling us what to do when what we really need is space to work out who to be. “ — Elliot Page

#MoreLoveLessHate     #TransRightsAreHuman Rights

tl;dr:

  1. Check state laws and legislation
  2. Reach out to LGBTQ+ centers on campus
  3. Do your research
  4. Ask questions
  5. Be careful with your forms and using your name if you haven’t come out officially
  6. Embrace your trans joy
  7. If you feel like you’re in danger of self-harm or you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, and you’re in the US, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or call 988

xoxo AdmissionsMom

PS: You can also find all this information here on my notion site.